Siriusly Troubled
by MOLLY THE MONSTER
Summary: "Do you think I have big feet?" "What?" "Do you think I have big feet?" "What kind of question is that?" "It's a question of whether or not you think I have big feet." James and Sirius have an interesting conversation at three in the morning. One-shot.


Siriusly Troubled

By Molly The Monster

_Setting:_ _the Gryffindor boys'  
dormitory, sometime in 1977_

_Prompt: "Do you really think three in the morning is the appropriate time to be discussing this?"_

Sirius Black couldn't sleep. He was seriously troubled.

He lay on his four poster bed, staring at the ceiling. Something was troubling him. Deeply troubling him and he simply could not sleep until it was resolved. He must have been laying there awake four hours. It had to be the early hours of the morning. The entire room was dark. Remus was laying in his bed, dead asleep. He was barely moving. Peter was snoring lightly, which only made things worse. James, whose bed was closest, was fast asleep too.

"Prongs?" Sirius whispered sharply, leaning off his bed a little bit so that he was closer to James' bed. "Prongs!" he tried again, a little louder this time. When James didn't stir, Sirius pulled his pillow out from under himself and hurled it at James as hard as he could. "_James_!"

James' head lifted up from his pillow and he looked around. "Huh? What? What's going on?"

"I have a very important question to ask you," Sirius whispered, trying not to wake up their dorm mates.

James collapsed back onto his pillow. "Go back to bed. We'll talk in the morning," came James' voice, muffled because his face was flat in his pillow.

"But it's important," Sirius urged, not wanting James to go back to sleep.

"Padfoot, go to sleep. I promise we'll talk in the morning. Leave me alone. I'm serious," James said, his voice still sounding muffled because his face was still buried in his pillow.

Sirius let out a chuckle. "Well, actually _I'm_ Sirius, but that's not the point," he said, very satisfied with the joke he just made.

It was obvious though, that James wasn't as amused. "I'm going to kill you," threatened James.

However, Sirius didn't care. James could threaten him all he wanted. Sirius knew his problem was very important and once James realized that gravity of the situation, he would be more than willing to listen to Sirius' problem.

"Do you think I have big feet?" Sirius whispered, straining his eyes to see if he would have a better time seeing James. It was far too dark in their dormitory. Far too dark to find his wand, too.

"What?" said James, his voice more clear. He must have lifted his face from his pillow.

"Do you think I have big feet?" Sirius repeated because James obviously hadn't heard him the first time.

James didn't answer right away. "What kind of question is that?" he asked, sounding rather confused.

"It's a question of whether or not you think I have big feet," Sirius responded immediately. It wasn't a confusing question and yet James seemed to not understand what was going on. Perhaps it was because he was tired. Sometimes James went a little crazy when he was tired.

James seemed very reluctant to join in on the conversation. Obviously he thought Sirius' problem was some kind of a joke. "Why are you asking me about your feet?" James asked. Sirius wished he could see what James' face looked like, but it was far too dark to see anything in the room.

"Devyn Robbins thinks I have big feet," Sirius admitted, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

"Devyn Robbins thinks you have big feet?" asked James slowly.

"That's what I just said," Sirius responded, rolling his eyes even though James couldn't see him.

"And how do you know what Devyn Robbins thinks of your feet?" James asked and it sounded like he was having a hard time believing what Sirius was saying.

"Because she told me."

"Devyn Robbins told you you had big feet?"

"Are you having a hard time understanding me?" Sirius snapped at James and then immediately regretted it.

James didn't respond for a moment and Sirius was afraid that James was going to go back to sleep. "When did Devyn Robbins tell you you had big feet?" James finally asked.

"After Potions today," Sirius said, returning to a whisper. He had forgotten that he didn't want to wake Remus or Peter. Remus would have laughed at his problem and Peter would have been no help at all.

"I was with you after Potions today," said James, "I think I would have known if Devyn Robbins told you you had big feet." He was started to sound irritated.

"You weren't there," Sirius pointed out.

"Oh? And where was I?" Sirius knew James well and James' patience seemed to be running thin.

Sirius smiled even though James couldn't see him. "You were doing what you always do: trying to seduce Lily," he informed James. Earlier than day, while Sirius was having his encounter with Devyn Robbins, James had run off to talk to one of Devyn's friends: Lily Evans.

"And that's when Devyn Robbins said you had big feet?" James inquired.

"_Yes_!"

"And what do you care what Devyn Robbins thinks of your feet?" James asked. Sirius noted that James sounded more awake now, almost as if he was interested in the conversation.

"I don't care what Devyn Robbins thinks of my feet. I just care that Devyn Robbins thinks I have _big_ feet," said Sirius like that was obvious. It wasn't a matter of caring what Devyn Robbins thought, it was a matter that Sirius had big feet. Well, according to Devyn Robbins anyway.

"Hence, you care what Devyn Robbins thinks of your feet because you're in love with her and you can't stand the idea that she doesn't think you're perfect."

Sirius ignored him. He couldn't get into the many issues he had with Devyn Robbins. "You know, my dad had big feet," Sirius commented, hoping that James wouldn't mind his sudden change of direction.

"Well, then," James began, "if your father had big feet then it would probably be true that you also have big feet, right?"

"I don't want to be like my dad!" Sirius exclaimed, and then immediately regretted it. He hoped he didn't wake Peter or Remus.

"Too bad. Go to sleep," James said harshly, apparently losing interest in Sirius' feet problem because they were no longer discussing Devyn Robbins. Sirius knew that James couldn't care less about Devyn Robbins or what she thought of Sirius' feet. But Devyn Robbins was friends with Lily and James never turned down an opportunity to talk about Lily's friends in hopes that it would help him find a way to finally make Lily fall for him.

"But James–" Sirius began, but James cut him off quickly.

"Honestly, Padfoot, do you _really _think three in the morning is the appropriate time to be discussing this?" James asked irritably.

Sirius scoffed. "Well, Prongs, there really isn't an appropriate time to find out this kind of devastating thing," said Sirius in a tone that made him sound quite hysterical. "All this time I thought I was perfect and Devyn Robbins of all people tells me I have big, crazy clown feet."

"Sirius. Shut up."

"I'm going to have to agree with James on this one." Remus' voice came from his bed. Sirius realized he must have woken Remus when he yelled about his father. "And she never said you had big, crazy clown feet. She said you should watch where you put your big feet. It's not the same thing."

"Oh, what do you know?" said Sirius, wondering why they were treating his situation so lightly. "Wormtail, what do you think? Wormy? _Pete!_ You awake?"

A loud snore from the lump that was Peter gave him his answer.

It was clear he wasn't going to help. Sirius stared up at the ceiling again. "In all honesty guys–"

"Sirius. Shut it," James warned.

"Are you sure my feet–" Sirius tried.

"Sirius, I'm not kidding." Sirius could practically feel James' anger.

"But why would she say–"

"Sirius. We'll talk. In. The. _Morning_."

"Fine. I still think three in the morning is as good a time as any to talk about this. But if you insist, we'll talk in the morning."

"Good."

"But just–"

"_Sirius!_"

"Fine. Fine. My big feet and I will go to sleep now. Oh, and one more thing."

"_What?_" James hissed.

"You're the worst friend ever."

"And you have big feet. We all have our flaws."

* * *

And that's it! Just a funny little one-shot for Macceh's Three AM Challenge. Based on real events! The dialogue was supposed to be the most important part. After hearing a bit of a conversation like this, I had a vision of Sirius and James having this conversation and thought it was perfect. I tried to limit anything that wasn't dialogue, just because. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now!

This one is dedicated to AccioCommonSense, Anonymous Santa, AshMoon, birchermuesli, , Ouch Charlie, Princess Mariana, Rani Jashalithie, Sarah Kassiopeia, SarcasticFanaticNoona1, SpiritxXxWildfire, slytherinprincess02 and unknown for reviewing my last one-shot, _The Perks of Being Mature_. Thanks guys!


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